Do you realize how long it took for me to get pregnant?! I had thrown in the towel. I was getting older by the moment, and Keith was busy trying to make a name for himself in the Interior Design world. So, I prayed that he would forget about it...and then it just happened! When I stopped thinking about it, it happened!
My staff at the hospital was so wonderful to me, they told me it was going to be a multiple birth. I needed to get plenty of rest. I decided I would wait and not tell Keith. I wanted him to be surprised. In the meantime, I knew we needed to save as much money as possible. We had put a huge lump sum of money into our house...I wasn't working, and Keith was saving money and spending it as soon as something caught his eye. Now what kind of saving is that?! Who goes out and buys a Lexus when their wife is about to have a baby?!! I worried over his decision-making. I worried about my past affecting my children. What if someone told them I was crazy and had to go in the loony bin?! I became a worrywart about EVERYTHING!
What if the same thing happened to me that happened to my sister?! This echoed daily in my head. I was afraid that I would suddenly choke to death, I was afraid to walk around too much for fear that it might make my babies come early, I feared that I wasn't eating right, and the food I cooked came out burnt all the time, (and I KNOW how to cook,) what if the burnt-ness in some way hurt my babies?!
I'm a doctor, so of course, I knew all this wasn't true, but in my head..it was very real.
I didn't even want to be touched! But Keith kept touching me and oogling all over me. One day I told him, "You massage me from over there, I'll still feel it." He did it, too! LOL! I pretended my butt off, ooh'ing and aaah'ing...it's hilarious in hindsight, but at the time I was dead serious.
I could feel myself getting that 'borderline feeling' again. Scared to become crazy again. All I could do to take my mind off of the chaos in my head, was to open a book. That was the only thing that helped me. I would sit there with a book until I got a headache.
Keith would ask me, "How can you read in the dark?! No wonder you're getting headaches!" I wasn't reading, I was silencing my thoughts. There's a difference!
When my babies came, I couldn't have been more happy with myself! I DID it!! I delivered two adorable, healthy babies! THRILLED was what I was!! I could never imagine loving two simbeings as much as I love these babies!
Keith found the most perfect nursery at a store called TSR, and Riverdale's Mayor Antwan Snowden, and his Hood Council sent us the most beautiful card and monetary gift of $400 for the twins!! Can you believe that?! How thoughtful of them to do that! So, I had the card copied and framed. I needed two of them for both my son and daughter as a keepsake. The words are so beautiful and so fitting! The card says:
"Two Little Ones to Love, Two Miracles Instead of One, Two Moonbeams Found, Two Rays of Sun..."
The kids quickly grew into rambunctious toddlers. I look at them sometimes and think to myself, "Wow, Aysa is the one that persuaded me to meet this man through SimMatch.com, and now I have these two beautiful babies!" I know she would be proud of them, as much as I am...the witch...
Both my kids can be grouchy at times. It can be hard at times to settle them down. Terris is more outgoing and active than his sister. He likes to be the center of attention, and he loves to play with you! If you sit down and play a toy with him, he becomes the perfect angel!
It's taken him a little longer to buckle down and learn how to use the potty, walk, talk, etc. He gets distracted very easily, wanting to go play in his toybox.
Terryn is eager to learn. Oh she's like a sponge! She learned how to potty, walk, talk way before her brother, and then she likes the skill toys we bought her. So she plays with those constantly. I have to bribe Terris to learn skills with the 'glow juice'. That boy loves that juice!
Every now and then, she just wants to be held. When she leans forward with her arms open for me to pick her up, I almost start crying out of sheer joy!
They both love to learn the nursery rhymes I try to teach them, but I've never been mucha of a singer, so Keith always yells for me to, "Knock it off." LOL!
The chaos in my mind has ceased for now. I only think about how I'm going to protect my children as best I can, and pray to live long enough to see my grandchildren. I'm not getting any younger, and the years are starting to show on my face.
Most of the chaos is inside my home now...the sounds of the twins playing and laughing, crying. I love those sounds. It's been a long time coming.